10. Musts to Make the Cut for INFJ Friendship
INFJ friendships are known to be far and few between - but once you have an INFJ as a friend, you’ll have a genuine mate for life. They take their time to open up to people and can sometimes have difficulty concluding whether they even want friends or not..
Luckily there’s a few subtle acts of kindness that can convince them it’s worth it.
1. Make Them Laugh
Every serious INFJ mind needs a less-serious, go-lucky friend in their life. Sure, not every INFJ will agree, especially if they’ve never had a friend of such sort..but if someone can make the INFJ laugh, they’ve gotten their attention!
Spending so much of their time in a deep and complex state of mind, there’s nothing like being around someone who can allow this introspective personality type to really come out of their shell and practise their playful side.
Silliness, and witty dark humour is typically where an INFJ can be found the most comfortable unleashing their inner lighthearted spirit. However, if someone's humour involves putting others down, disrespecting their viewpoints or even criticizing the INFJ, this feeling personality type can easily become uncomfortable and uninterested.
In fact, the wrong joke can change an INFJs entire mood and ultimately their perception of a person. So, a rule of thumb for when making the INFJ laugh is no teasing or bullying, just fun-loving wit and intelligence.
2. Open Up About Yourself
Let’s just put it this way.. INFJs won’t even consider you if they don’t know what makes you tick. With genuine connection as the ultimate prerequisite to a positive INFJ connection, there’s no way of getting around this brain-picking habit of the.
This is because in order for them to feel even remotely connected to someone and comfortable around them, they want to know that their behaviors aren’t going to mess with the natural harmony they try so hard to maintain.
Yet, not every set and setting allows for this; which means an INFJ won’t go looking for friendships in large settings. They prefer one on one connection, rather than a back-and-forth group conversation because it let’s them know that the other person is content being with just them.
Plus, this one on one connection allows them to talk meaningful and deep, the way they feel most authentic.
3. Respect Their Alone Time
The last thing any INFJ needs or wants in their lives is a reason to feel guilty for their need for solitude. We get it.. it’s all fun and games until an INFJ wants some alone time, but if you want the INFJ as their optimal selves, it’s something that needs to be respected.
Although this rare personality type enjoys genuine connection and quality time - they’re still known to be highly introverted and often sensitive individuals. This means they often require a decent amount of alone time to rest and recharge their social battery. In fact, this can end up being one of the most difficult aspects of maintaining friendships for the INFJ.
So, it’s important to honor this boundary of theirs with no ill-feelings attached by knowing they won’t feel fully like themselves without it. It’s difficult for an INFJ to find someone that can understand and respect this need for alone time without taking it personally.
4. Surprise Them
Surprises!? We get it.. Most INFJs are keen on organization and planning, making the idea of a surprise ultimately dreadful and overwhelming at times.
Yet, there’s a surprising spontaneous side to this personality type that usually only comes out when encouraged by other like-minded people.
Now, we’re not saying to change plans last minute or God forbid throw them a surprise party..but taking the organizing and decision-making out of the INFJ’s hands can be one of the kindest gestures they never knew they wanted.
Nature walking, site-seeing, a mini road trip, or even something as simple as surprising them with their favorite snack can be that genuine gesture that shows an INFJ you’re thinking of them. Yet, of course they must feel comfortable with the individual in the first place, or you can be sure a surprising gesture will have them utterly confused and uninterested.
5. Check In On Them
As we mentioned, keeping a close bond to an INFJ is tricky because although they crave connection and deeply care for their people, they are rarely the ones to initiate a conversation or be the first to make plans.
While this doesn’t come as a surprise to INFJs, considering they are one of the most independent personality types, it can be difficult to navigate for friends and lovers. At times they may seem extremely distant or even uninterested, when in reality, they think about their closest people more than the average person.
So, when a friend or romantic interest doesn’t mind being the one to send the first text, send them a funny meme, or invite them over for an afternoon, an INFJ will greatly appreciate these gestures, ultimately feeling cared for and understood. Although most wouldn’t admit it, INFJs love to feel thought of by their closest friends, and a simple check-in will do just that.
6. Notice The Little Efforts
Speaking of checking in, an INFJ would never admit they want to be thought of or necessarily checked in on by their friends. Similarly, they also wouldn’t ever feel the need to make a fuss if their efforts go unnoticed.
However, in reality, if their positive gestures are overseen without a sense of recognition, they can secretly become offended and feel seriously unappreciated.
Using their incredible listening skills as a perfect example, when people take this rare trait for granted without ever returning the listening ear or acknowledging how valuable it really is, it’s likely that an INFJ will slowly distance themselves from that person to protect their boundaries.
Yet, if they were recognized for this incredible trait with just a simple ‘thanks for listening’ or ‘you’re always there for me’, the INFJ would feel a sense of humble accomplishment that they truly crave.
7. Honesty & Vulnerability
Similar to their need to brain-pick before letting people in, the first and most important thing an INFJ craves in life is genuine connection, with real, raw personalities.
This means, liars, cheaters, and ego-trippers are out of the question before they can even think they have a chance. Because an INFJ is amazing at sensing other people’s moods and emotions, they can easily feel caught off guard and almost lied to when someone tries to deny how they’re really feeling inside.
Whether someone doesn’t want to admit something to themselves, or their fibs are backed by an ulterior motive, most INFJs won’t entertain the idea of a connection. So by sharing true genuinity with this rare personality type, it will set a positive tone, no matter how difficult the truth may be.
8. Listen!
Known for being the empathetic advocate, the INFJ is known for their uncanny listening skills. Yet, as a result, this personality type is often stuck being the open ear on the other end of a conversation.
Naturally, INFJs are rarely given the time and patience to unleash their complex thoughts and ideas, so when they’re met with someone who can truly listen there's a better chance they’ll take the friendship a little more seriously.
Although most INFJs are typically used to this one-sided position in conversations, it is incredibly important for them to find people that can actively listen to them in return.
By vocalizing their thoughts, the INFJ can find it easier to sort through their rambling whirlpool of continuous thinking, which helps them get to the root of it all.
Not to mention, the listener will undoubtedly leave the conversation with some deep insights into life’s most unanswerable questions.
9. Understand Their Introversion
A big aspect of INFJ friendship is all about creating memories and deepening the connection. They love to spend time with the people they value, and once a friend realizes their need for down time, INFJs are open-minded to how they want to spend their non-down time.
However, they still are introverts at the end of the day. Sure, this rare personality type can put on a good show of being a normal socializing human, however, there’s a lot of socializing they much rather avoid.
Things that friends consider normal friend-like activities may not be as enticing to the INFJ, such as late nights out, long shopping trips, or hours gossiping about meaningless surface-level topics.
In fact, if an INFJ agrees to go to something of that sort, you can be sure they are really ‘trying’, and if it was entirely up to them, they would stay at home in the comfort of their solitude.
So, working to find activities that both friends enjoy is a crucial aspect to an INFJ friendship. And.. lastly,
10. Don’t Expect A Call
Like so many introverted types, the INFJ is typically much better at expressing their thoughts through writing and literature in comparison to saying their thoughts out loud. Consequently, most INFJs claim to prefer texts and written messages over phone conversations.
Of course every INFJ is different, and if they’re seriously comfortable with someone they don’t really care which form of communication is used.
However, when an INFJ is still getting to know someone, they may feel like they can’t articulate their words and thoughts properly.
An INFJ loves to think and understand people's thoughts and ideas on a deep level, and writing usually takes a little more effort and thought compared to a conversation.
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to show your ‘shakespearean’ skills to impress an INFJ, but a simple text or social media message can seem less intrusive over a phone call.